The Song of Humanity

As I stumbled over the stairs in the common hall of this white, floral scented, urban apartment building's hallway, I mused over the elegance humans must have to use these legs all the time.  To count each stride in such ephemeral grace must make the moments that much more precious to them.

Oh what a joy it was that my lord, blessed be he, has let me walk amongst them for a day. Father, you have truly displayed a rendering of your own soul in those of man kind!  At the bottom of the downtrodden carpeted stairs, I steadied myself and got to my feet. The onning of the condensed lobby was purple and what a glorious and regal shade too! In the oval mirror above a desk, I looked at myself but forgot that I would only see my true nature in the mirror.

Still gazing at myself, I smilled thinking of where I was and stretched my long black wings as I got ready for my first day as a man.

I was overjoyed at the great outdoors and the booming life of an American city.

"Hello!" I said to the first person I met on the sidewalk.

They didn't answer but rather stared at me strangely as if they knew.  Did they know who I was? Were my wings showing? I felt back and though I knew they were there, I did not feel them so I knew I was still concealed.  My concerns assuaged, I moved on.

On the next block, I saw one of those human beings of great importance. I knew because he wore a business suit and talked into a tiny box that he seemed to enjoy.  I shadowed him for a while and saw the strength of mankind; that it did not stop to discuss small matters but rather blazed on through  crowds of people with such fierceness that it was worthy of angels in the great war. I admired this man and wanted to be him so I decided to engage him.

"Hello, Sir! How are you today?" I said with a smile.

He nodded and continued his conversation with the box.

"May I ask you..."

He waved his hand at me and ran off into a crowd.

I suppose I could have followed him but I did not see the reason.  It was strange, why would he not seek to share with a brother. I appeared as one of his kind and checked again to see if my wings still remained hidden but they were vacant as ever.

At the corner of some lively intersection, I hopped on some metallic vehicle and gave the man in the front seat some of this paper I had received for my day outside of heaven.

"You don't need to give me that much," said the man.

"I don't understand..." I said

"Ok asshole, here's your dollar and I keep this dollar. Get on and sit down."

"Thank you, sir," I said.

He looked out of the front window and seemed to stare at some bit of nothing that wasn't long ago. Then he shot a glance at me and nodded.

Looking out the windows, I saw all kinds of people.  They were busy and very little of them seemed to not be tied into some greater concern than simply enjoying being a human like me.

It depressed me and took me by surprise. I read their thoughts and became even less impressed. They seemed to judge their neighbor harshly and those who were happy thought with such bitter sarcasm that it seemed they only existed instead of lived.

Every now and then, I ran into the occasional believer. Not in my father, although there were many who claimed to do that as well, not always with sincerity, but in the beauty of being alive.  There's was only a feeling that I saw. The thoughts behind it were not as visible to me.

Regaining my composure, I left the "bus" and got off in a great nature preserve in the heart of this concrete monstrocity.  Walking through it on the concrete paths, I saw a man sitting on a bench just feeding the birds, eating a hot dog and scribbling on some document he had on top of a note pad.

His tired eyes had wrinkles on either end but his joy seemed to overflow from all parts. His wisdom was like that of a prophet and he seemed to be heavily focused on what he was doing.

Seeing room next to him, I sat down and began to watch the birds and envy their gift of flight. I had about ten or eleven hours left of time before I would have their gift again.

He hummed some long forgotten tune as he wrote all over the page in front of him and smiled at the scribbles as he shook his head.

He looked over at me and smiled so, I figured I would try, "hello."

He laughed and said, "Well hello there, son."

"Father?"

He laughed again, this time louder and roaring and simply shook his head as he went back to his work.

There was a long silence and I gazed out on a large pond and vast nature in the heart of a place that seemed built to choke life.The expression on my face must have betrayed me because he all but knew my thoughts.

"What's wrong, boy?" He said.

His cap was turned down but his eyes beamed out from under it a coffee brown that stood out in the shade like a fine table lacquer.  He had a perfectly square patch of facial hair that seemed to hang from under his nose all the way to where it dribbled off from his chin with a regal sense of grace.

"I believe in the majesty of humanity." I told him.
"I would give you a valuable piece of advice, son," said the old man in between crooning some tune long since forgotten by time, "the world was and to an extent, still is, built by ambitious, idealistic young men. You tryin' to get in on the ground floor, though. You gotta remember also, that it's maintained by hackneyed, crestfallen old folks like me. That's the real reason they tell you to respect your elders: 'Cause you gonna become one of us, some day."
I spent the majority of the day at the park and we sat there in silence for another hour or two before he got up nodded and left. I went back to heaven at midnight.

Story Stopper

Epilogue

There are few things that one experiences that they can truly call miraculous; mostly because miracles are hard to come by in life but for the devout, we experience miraculous all the time through having god in our hearts. What miracle heaven is? Well, it was something that I would not try to describe in the human tongue for I am neither a saint, nor an apostle; no.  I am simply a reaper; one who hails from the greatness of a complicated love that will last forever with my eternal Grim, Dolphiel.

His misguided efforts to make sense of forever were tragic to me but I have faith in my god before I have faith in myself and I feel this may be why I have, finally, been granted the divinity of Angel class.  Michael didn't tell me why I had been granted access to heaven but I did not want to ask him out of fear that he could also take this joy away.

Things on earth had been fretful, to say the least, as of late and I had heard talk and felt so many feelings of impending doom coming from mankind.  I followed the orders handed down to me, however, and did what I always did in the embrace and love of nurturing souls unto heaven.  I have always believed that a bad man is not essentially bad; lest he be given the chance to stand naked in front of the power of his god or as much power as a reaper can muster, he will be judged unfairly.

For this mercy, the ancient Greeks called me Prometheus for what I gave unto them but I directed them to the thanks that should be handed to a merciful god.  Granted, I took a truly evil soul to hell without question but one who lived as the Nicolaitans did should not be punished for his indulgence for even Jesus on the cross said, "Forgive them o' lord, for they know not what they do."

I acknowledge that Jesus Christ came after the Greeks and forgiveness wasn't the lord's strong-suit before him but I am always a believer in god's love and mercy. Our lord and Christ simply translated that into something we could understand. Blessed is the heretical for he is but a child in the eyes of god's greatness. Mercy is what mankind deserves; even the wolves.

Through the gates, I saw the seals and I saw them opened. There before me was the throne of god. At his alter there stood those devout enough to look upon god's face and that was all they could do or care for forever after.

With my sudden visage I wanted to scream. I wanted to pour out weeping and grasping at his reinment for although j acknowledged the bliss he must have been in: his mouth open and his eyes wide; his expression filled with splendor and awe whilst his gaze was locked on the glory of our father, your father, god almighty! I wanted to wake him from my selfishness.

I felt my heart sink but my wings outstretched, I flew above the petty feelings of a reaper and into the exuberant joy of an angel. Dolphiel was where he belonged now and something on my heart and soul told me that I should not fret him and I listened unconditionally.

It was then it was announced to the heavenly host that I would be the new Grim Reaper. They acted bemused as heaven went about its bussiness. It was astir with the power of the lord but even more so: with the work that had to be done to maintain the universe and existence.

Without existence, there is chaos and in chaos the powerful play would stop but the powerful play goes on and we contribute a verse.  Some call death the story stopper; as if to die is the end of a journey but the real death would be that of the world and the universe its self and in my capacity, I swear to always fight that from happening. The grim reaper ends a life but it is to maintain the cycle of all things as well as the balance thereof. In this way, I lubricate the wheels of time, matter and all things in the name of a loving lord. I do not stop the story because without me, there would be no beginning middle and end, I am the story starter. Where does yours begin and whose ended so it could?

Story Stopper

Part VI: Death within Me

For a long time, I evaded heaven. The earthly planes are like a desert to the angels and they did not know how to find me but the force of God is to powerful to challenge.

Honestly, I had never meant to challenge god but being half angel and half human, I could see both sides.

Lucifer was right in the part that he said the Angels did not have the free will of man but having the free will, humans were not equals either. The one thing that they lacked, the reapers held in abundance. Reapers were not supposed to leave the confines of the vortex between the worlds but the new ones that I was making were in part imbued with the divinity of Lucifer and/or myself.

On the earth, so many were taken, they called it the end of days. I reaped only from the future world Lucifer had shown me because there were more souls there and going back would reduce the number of souls I had to reap.

It was amazing how many I could take in one fell swoop. It was astonishing at how, for all their magnificence and innovation, man really was as fragile as the biblical analogy of sheep.

The reaping was so easy... too easy... it was easy enough that through such ease of mass slaughter, I began to wonder if this creation of the lord was really worthy of the wonders of the universe?

I became lost. The silence of the heavens, due to my evasion, became like a great din in my heart and Lucifer's pain permeated me.

Before I knew it, my reign of terror had stopped and I had drained myself of so much angelic essence that I was practically human.

In this time, I found myself at the throne of the lord looking down at the floor.

"Dolphiel, you disappoint me," the voice said. "You have brought about a new chance for man kind, however, and for that I am greatful. You have also brought legions of demi-angels to heaven and sacrificed your own angelic essence to do this and for this, I cannot condemn you to hell. I can't let you continue with your job, however; your will is too strong and free. Therefore, I will bless you: look up! And gaze upon my face."

Story Stopper

Part XV: Death Forever

The wind beneath my feathers, I floated downwards to meet him. Dressed in shining armor and glowing white with the full force of an archangel, Lucifer stretched out his wings and the awesome power of his light shown upon my like a conflagration. What brilliance he had for the leader of all things evil. What beauty was he for a denier of God!

I knew what must be done but was lost in the beauty of this creature before me.

"You were cast out, banished, ostracized, Lucifer! But you never fell," I said.

He laughed and spoke, "you are observant of my beauty but you also know I can take many forms, ay?"

"I know you're a lost, petulant, little boy with daddy issues," I said.

"How dare you!" He snapped, " you may still be in his graces but I was once and still have the force of a higher choir of angel! You impudent little wretch! You dare to talk to me that way?"

"You are the lord of lies. You have lied so much, you have forgotten that you may be higher born than I but neither one of us trumps god."

"I lost a battle, Dolphiel, but gaze upon my brilliance! Look at the cruelty of your god! Think you: that if he felt you were not worth his graces, he wouldn't cast you out? Do you not see that an angel is but a servant to god but to me, we are masters of all that we see? We are a brotherhood that supercedes the failure that is humanity!"

"God created this universe for them!..."
"...And what did He make for us?" I was but a sheep in a small corral before he created the universe for man.

"No!" I said, "he created earth for man. Man is free to roam the universe on his own force of will but can he? Not in his wildest dreams. Man is limited by mortality..."
"...you speak of weakness!"

"Perhaps, but where man gets free will to own his planet, you have the high heavens to roam. Look at all that is the domain of god and his power and all you must do to be part of that is to accept him as the lord supreme and carry out what is his will.

What a magnificence it is to be an angel, Lucifer. Man gets to go to heaven but he changes and leaves some behind. He is enraptured by the magnificence of heaven but he is not free to roam it as the angels are.

For this, you do not even belong in hell. This is too good for you! You belong with Death forever!"

With the end of my sentence, I swung my scythe and slew Lucifer. I took his divine essence into me and kept it there to feed me. I went out and began to reap the souls of all that I could. I created "accidents" and "natural" disasters that were beyond god's plan and his will.

With Lucifer's essence and my human side, I was very hard for the angel's to find and the souls I reaped were dumped in the heavens and it was there they overflowed but most of them, became reapers like me...

Story Stopper

Part XIV: The death of innocence

"Dolphiel. Wake up, Dolphiel."

As I opened my eyes, I saw the plane of existence. By that I mean I saw the chaos that was the existence of all things before all things existed.

First, there was darkness; such blackness as cannot be comprehended by anything describable. God was not attached to anything in this world so falling from grace and the absence of Him in a fallen angel was the closest one might come to describing this blackness. One word that would come close would be absence; the absence of God, the absence of the angels, the nothingness and lack of sensation that breaches even death.

The feeling weighed on me as I watched this and as my nothingness began to burn, the voice that had awoken me made a sound like a child's pop gun. In that instance, there was, all of a sudden, a gathering of compact and minute lights. They were not arrayed like stars but rather focused into a small area like sheep in a pen.

I heard them speak. My step-brothers began to sing. They sang in joyful chorus, which brought light unto this rather compact area. They were only talking to each other but the light of god within them gave so much power to their voices, they could scarce do anything but sing; once the song had begun.

The reverberation was so sonorous that the whole of existence began to swell and as the voice which had awakened me began to yawn, the area of those tiny lights expanded exponentially.

All of a sudden the universe was astir with singing and lights flying in every direction. The stars were formed by the sweating of the angels and lights all over filled the great expanse of this new existence.

For a long time, there was peace and happiness and angels dwelled in the great expanse but they felt the universe and some even questioned god: "what is all this for?"

This was the right question because shortly after, the whole Genesis of man's existence was born. It took a long time to even get to man's existence but as they arrived, so did the magnificent gifts god gave to them.

Most of the angels were overjoyed to have such frail creatures to Sheppard but not everyone saw them as frail. Those who didn't, even saw them as an insult or as a threat to the kingdom of heaven so they rebelled.

I saw god's most beloved Angel stand by his side and as he received all the praise and love of god, he became so full of himself that he saw himself as beauty beyond man and eventually beyond god. His hubris was seen by his brethren and though a third called him king, all fell from grace who did.

A third of my step-brothers looked at Lucifer and loved him above god and my step-brother Michael took the multitude and war broke out to shake the heavens with god's wrath.

The voice that had awoken me started weeping like a wounded child. He wept as strongly as history would ever see him weep again for I had heard this voice before and knew him.

As I watched brother slay brother with weapons as fierce and savage as any that man could create, I watched the multitude crush this misguided and vicious rebellion with seraphic ferver. The anger of god and his betrayed heart reigned strong and gave Michael the advantage over his brother Lucifer. Though Lucifer was so filled with self-agrandizement, he cowered in fear in the face of his angered father and fell under the spear of Michael with little more than a whimper.

For all of Lucifer's rebellion, it was no more, in the end, than sound and fury signifying nothing. As he fell, I watched his face and I felt his heart and the voice that had awoken me disappeared.

Where that holy voice was, the voice of another who was as beautiful as anything holy turned to ugly resentment. His heart cried as his eyes wept and he knew what he had done. He was awakened as Adam and Eve to the sadness and reality of a harsh world. It was as if he had eaten the forbidden fruit himself and all of a sudden, he knew all things like no angel ever had or ever would. This realization made him painfully aware of the cruelty of his actions towards his god but it also made him see that there was no forgiveness for angels and because of this, he became even more aware at the imbalance of god's love towards man as opposed to god's demand on the angels.

He hated man for all these things and blamed man for him and his brothers fall. He blamed god for the situation and realized man's importance if he was ever to take back heaven for him and his fallen brethren. In this, he awaited the day that he could corrupt a Nephelim or even show his feelings and point of view to one who was part man and part angel.

As time went on, I saw myself and my transcendence. I saw Lucifer watch this and realized that I had felt him out of the corner of my eye as it happened. He had only awaited my doubt and now I was aware of why that voice which had shown me all this wanted me to know.

As the visions began to fade like a dream on the back of my eyelids, the last thing I heard was, "I love you, my child, for all that you are. In the coming end, I hope you make your choices with your eyes open. This is all any father can ask of his child. This is all He can ask for ALL of His children."

Letter to the departer

I crouched at the top of a building somewhere in New York City and looked down at them.  The wind rustled my feathers as I stared into the multitude and imagined their sorrow and anguish from living.  I am truly the devil they make me out to be, that much I cannot deny but reasoning matters I suppose.

Some call it arrogance.  Why would a child question his father and why does order seem preferable to chaos but have you ever lived in chaos?  Where is the order for those beyond the vale?  For that matter, where is the chaos?  The lack of one denotes heaven and the lack of the other would be perceived to be my domain but does anyone question my motive?  History is written by the winners or so they say.  The lack of both order and chaos is where we were but the freedom to choose is inherently human.  I was damned in heaven as well as hell because for all my power and importance I am still bound to being what I am.

The angels never really had a choice.  "Lucifer, my beloved brother," He said with a smile as he cast me out.

Many of the other angels had their wings cut off or were severely tortured before heaven cast them out but me?  I am bound to have forgotten its destination as I forgot my pledge to be His servant.

Spreading my wings, I can fly in this phased out dimension and watch reality unfold but can I find my way back to the whirlwind between the worlds? Never.  I am never to go back to my father and even have the chance to talk to him again.  The pain was immeasurable and that was punishment alone but the pit of hell is what I am chose to rule for my "misguidance" of humans.

"What is a man but a miserable pile of secrets."  Humans wrote this in a video game they dispense to their children.  It's the devil that made those humans write such awful words in their public forum but not everything evil that comes from humans is my fault.  This is the nature of chaos and order in tandem.  This is the nature of God.

Humans would condemn me for my arrogance and call me the prime evil but is it not evil to cast a soul into this world of choice and freedom?  If freedom is so important why was I cast from his light for asking for it?  Yes I can be the dragon as the Revelation of John suggests and yes I do seek to destroy man and heaven but it is for the bitterness and lack of heart that gives me my drive.

You see, Dolphiel, I do not get to have a heart.  I don't get to have free will.  Even as "evil incarnate," everything going on is his will.  Do you think that God would allow an angel to function free just because he's fallen from his grace?  I still have my wings; here I fly above the people, watching their pathetic run about and just hoping that they will deny their lord and come with me to populate my heart which has become hell.

As I settle on this building across town, I write you this letter in hopes that you'll get it and understand what it is to be fallen.  I hope you will get it and understand what it is to be Lucifer, the devil, Satan.

Perhaps if you know, then you will understand what it means to do what I do.  You will understand that the human part of you will be with me always.

Story Stopper

Part XIII: Death becomes him

"What do you want with me Lucifer?  I'm ashamed enough of my betrayal as it is and yet you mock me still?"

"On the contrary," said the well dressed angel, "I seek to rebuild you."

I looked down at the floor and said nothing.  Deep within what was left of my human soul, the absence of god was like no pain anyone on earth should ever feel.  Even the most brazenly heathen people on earth are still loved by the lord.  That warm confidence is felt even if it's not recognized.  The atheists would call it confidence, panache,  je ne sais quoi, vivre! But when you've spoken to god, felt his presence while in his presence, you come to understand what it is that invigorates man to be such an amazing creature.  We have the love of a father who created us to be as he is: powerful in our independence.

On the opposite end, angels were not created to preform any independent function.  Their soul purpose is to serve god and carry out his command.  It was for this reason, we are told in heaven, that Lucifer was cast out from god's light.  It is also for this reason that god granted me the status of an angel because whereas my human side served to usher a soul into heaven, my angelic side was meant to force a devotion to the function I was meant to preform.

"How can you rebuild what is not there anymore?" I said.

Lucifer remained quiet and put his hand on his elbow and the other on his chin, as he began to look me over like a tailor getting ready to fit me for a nice suit.

"You're not lost, Dolphiel.  You are very much still here and have incredible power that you don't even realize you have.  Now granted, your choir was lower than mine was but look at me! I am god's equal only I exist on the negative scale..."

"...You are no equal to god!" I snapped at him.

He looked at me with pity.  God how low I've sunk that the devil pities me.  However, he envies most humans and disguises it as pity so I could be victim to the crafted fantasy of the lord of lies.

"You are no victim, my friend," said Lucifer, "on the contrary, I said I was here to rebuild you and that is what I'll do.  To call it a selfless act makes me seem too..."  He paused and turned his nose up as if sniffing the air for the right answer, "Christian.  However, whether you like it or not, you're in my boat now and we are both no longer in the light of god."

I looked out the window of the cruiser and watched the city below.  He watched from behind me as I marveled at the creation of man.

"Amazing, isn't it?  It gets more like heaven every day..."

"...Without the glory of God and miracles," I moaned.

"Dolphiel, human beings have the potential for great things.  You control their mortality.  You still know who's going to die, where and when.  As you look out that window, think about this: all that was built by people who lived in a temporary existence and had limited time to come up with long term solutions.  Building up was a logical conclusion to the growing problem of population but the way that they did it.  This skyway that we are traveling on: what would the right man have come up with if you didn't take his life in some of his finest years?"

I thought hard on it for a minute and he did, indeed, have a point.  The philosophy in heaven was that god and only god decides when it's time to take a person.  Samael does it in droves but he is still bound by god's decree.  Everything that happens in this existence is by his command.  When I was first an angel and was being trained by Samael, he explained to me that what he did, he took pleasure in but that pleasure stemmed not only from the sickness of his mind but more so because he carried out god's command with an artistic excellence.  He told me that the devil's greatest desire was to take the earth from man because from the earth it was a simple one step to heaven.

As we approached a sidewalk where Lucifer could let me wander this empty city of millions upon millions, Lucifer looked toward me and said, "Would heaven give you a better deal?" With that, the door opened and I was pushed out in front of the cafe de 2 moulin in Paris, France.  The year was back to being present day and as I got up off the ground, I walked over to a chair and sat down in it.

I noticed that I was out of phase with the natural world and there in front of me, but a distance away was the killer of children at a local school.  My mouth watered as I strongly desired to pull him into this phase of existence but I hesitated and watched as he turned to me, looking straight in my eyes as no other person in the city could, and winked.

As I watched him walk away, I felt my wings behind me still in tact and thought hard on the decisions I had to make as either a god, a mercenary, a toady, a soldier, a mid-level-manager or simply me, Dolphiel: the great escapist.

I had felt the absence of god, it was all so real but the devil wouldn't tempt lest he knew he could be convincing.  There were elements of truth to the things he said.  There were elements of things he knew were my greatest desires.  In an eternity, I had not seen or felt such choice dangled in front of me.  Part man and part angel: was this a cruel joke of the lord or was this fantasy Lucifer created to get me to favor his side?  Perhaps we will see.  Perhaps I will avoid Michael in the human realm and through the vortex in combination where I might be able to hide and test god's love and patience.  Perhaps it's time to end this madness or blossom its potential? Death becomes me and who I am is the end of the story line, regardless of orders.  The story stops with me.