Part XIII: Death becomes him
"What do you want with me Lucifer? I'm ashamed enough of my betrayal as it is and yet you mock me still?"
"On the contrary," said the well dressed angel, "I seek to rebuild you."
I looked down at the floor and said nothing. Deep within what was left of my human soul, the absence of god was like no pain anyone on earth should ever feel. Even the most brazenly heathen people on earth are still loved by the lord. That warm confidence is felt even if it's not recognized. The atheists would call it confidence, panache, je ne sais quoi, vivre! But when you've spoken to god, felt his presence while in his presence, you come to understand what it is that invigorates man to be such an amazing creature. We have the love of a father who created us to be as he is: powerful in our independence.
On the opposite end, angels were not created to preform any independent function. Their soul purpose is to serve god and carry out his command. It was for this reason, we are told in heaven, that Lucifer was cast out from god's light. It is also for this reason that god granted me the status of an angel because whereas my human side served to usher a soul into heaven, my angelic side was meant to force a devotion to the function I was meant to preform.
"How can you rebuild what is not there anymore?" I said.
Lucifer remained quiet and put his hand on his elbow and the other on his chin, as he began to look me over like a tailor getting ready to fit me for a nice suit.
"You're not lost, Dolphiel. You are very much still here and have incredible power that you don't even realize you have. Now granted, your choir was lower than mine was but look at me! I am god's equal only I exist on the negative scale..."
"...You are no equal to god!" I snapped at him.
He looked at me with pity. God how low I've sunk that the devil pities me. However, he envies most humans and disguises it as pity so I could be victim to the crafted fantasy of the lord of lies.
"You are no victim, my friend," said Lucifer, "on the contrary, I said I was here to rebuild you and that is what I'll do. To call it a selfless act makes me seem too..." He paused and turned his nose up as if sniffing the air for the right answer, "Christian. However, whether you like it or not, you're in my boat now and we are both no longer in the light of god."
I looked out the window of the cruiser and watched the city below. He watched from behind me as I marveled at the creation of man.
"Amazing, isn't it? It gets more like heaven every day..."
"...Without the glory of God and miracles," I moaned.
"Dolphiel, human beings have the potential for great things. You control their mortality. You still know who's going to die, where and when. As you look out that window, think about this: all that was built by people who lived in a temporary existence and had limited time to come up with long term solutions. Building up was a logical conclusion to the growing problem of population but the way that they did it. This skyway that we are traveling on: what would the right man have come up with if you didn't take his life in some of his finest years?"
I thought hard on it for a minute and he did, indeed, have a point. The philosophy in heaven was that god and only god decides when it's time to take a person. Samael does it in droves but he is still bound by god's decree. Everything that happens in this existence is by his command. When I was first an angel and was being trained by Samael, he explained to me that what he did, he took pleasure in but that pleasure stemmed not only from the sickness of his mind but more so because he carried out god's command with an artistic excellence. He told me that the devil's greatest desire was to take the earth from man because from the earth it was a simple one step to heaven.
As we approached a sidewalk where Lucifer could let me wander this empty city of millions upon millions, Lucifer looked toward me and said, "Would heaven give you a better deal?" With that, the door opened and I was pushed out in front of the cafe de 2 moulin in Paris, France. The year was back to being present day and as I got up off the ground, I walked over to a chair and sat down in it.
I noticed that I was out of phase with the natural world and there in front of me, but a distance away was the killer of children at a local school. My mouth watered as I strongly desired to pull him into this phase of existence but I hesitated and watched as he turned to me, looking straight in my eyes as no other person in the city could, and winked.
As I watched him walk away, I felt my wings behind me still in tact and thought hard on the decisions I had to make as either a god, a mercenary, a toady, a soldier, a mid-level-manager or simply me, Dolphiel: the great escapist.
I had felt the absence of god, it was all so real but the devil wouldn't tempt lest he knew he could be convincing. There were elements of truth to the things he said. There were elements of things he knew were my greatest desires. In an eternity, I had not seen or felt such choice dangled in front of me. Part man and part angel: was this a cruel joke of the lord or was this fantasy Lucifer created to get me to favor his side? Perhaps we will see. Perhaps I will avoid Michael in the human realm and through the vortex in combination where I might be able to hide and test god's love and patience. Perhaps it's time to end this madness or blossom its potential? Death becomes me and who I am is the end of the story line, regardless of orders. The story stops with me.
"On the contrary," said the well dressed angel, "I seek to rebuild you."
I looked down at the floor and said nothing. Deep within what was left of my human soul, the absence of god was like no pain anyone on earth should ever feel. Even the most brazenly heathen people on earth are still loved by the lord. That warm confidence is felt even if it's not recognized. The atheists would call it confidence, panache, je ne sais quoi, vivre! But when you've spoken to god, felt his presence while in his presence, you come to understand what it is that invigorates man to be such an amazing creature. We have the love of a father who created us to be as he is: powerful in our independence.
On the opposite end, angels were not created to preform any independent function. Their soul purpose is to serve god and carry out his command. It was for this reason, we are told in heaven, that Lucifer was cast out from god's light. It is also for this reason that god granted me the status of an angel because whereas my human side served to usher a soul into heaven, my angelic side was meant to force a devotion to the function I was meant to preform.
"How can you rebuild what is not there anymore?" I said.
Lucifer remained quiet and put his hand on his elbow and the other on his chin, as he began to look me over like a tailor getting ready to fit me for a nice suit.
"You're not lost, Dolphiel. You are very much still here and have incredible power that you don't even realize you have. Now granted, your choir was lower than mine was but look at me! I am god's equal only I exist on the negative scale..."
"...You are no equal to god!" I snapped at him.
He looked at me with pity. God how low I've sunk that the devil pities me. However, he envies most humans and disguises it as pity so I could be victim to the crafted fantasy of the lord of lies.
"You are no victim, my friend," said Lucifer, "on the contrary, I said I was here to rebuild you and that is what I'll do. To call it a selfless act makes me seem too..." He paused and turned his nose up as if sniffing the air for the right answer, "Christian. However, whether you like it or not, you're in my boat now and we are both no longer in the light of god."
I looked out the window of the cruiser and watched the city below. He watched from behind me as I marveled at the creation of man.
"Amazing, isn't it? It gets more like heaven every day..."
"...Without the glory of God and miracles," I moaned.
"Dolphiel, human beings have the potential for great things. You control their mortality. You still know who's going to die, where and when. As you look out that window, think about this: all that was built by people who lived in a temporary existence and had limited time to come up with long term solutions. Building up was a logical conclusion to the growing problem of population but the way that they did it. This skyway that we are traveling on: what would the right man have come up with if you didn't take his life in some of his finest years?"
I thought hard on it for a minute and he did, indeed, have a point. The philosophy in heaven was that god and only god decides when it's time to take a person. Samael does it in droves but he is still bound by god's decree. Everything that happens in this existence is by his command. When I was first an angel and was being trained by Samael, he explained to me that what he did, he took pleasure in but that pleasure stemmed not only from the sickness of his mind but more so because he carried out god's command with an artistic excellence. He told me that the devil's greatest desire was to take the earth from man because from the earth it was a simple one step to heaven.
As we approached a sidewalk where Lucifer could let me wander this empty city of millions upon millions, Lucifer looked toward me and said, "Would heaven give you a better deal?" With that, the door opened and I was pushed out in front of the cafe de 2 moulin in Paris, France. The year was back to being present day and as I got up off the ground, I walked over to a chair and sat down in it.
I noticed that I was out of phase with the natural world and there in front of me, but a distance away was the killer of children at a local school. My mouth watered as I strongly desired to pull him into this phase of existence but I hesitated and watched as he turned to me, looking straight in my eyes as no other person in the city could, and winked.
As I watched him walk away, I felt my wings behind me still in tact and thought hard on the decisions I had to make as either a god, a mercenary, a toady, a soldier, a mid-level-manager or simply me, Dolphiel: the great escapist.
I had felt the absence of god, it was all so real but the devil wouldn't tempt lest he knew he could be convincing. There were elements of truth to the things he said. There were elements of things he knew were my greatest desires. In an eternity, I had not seen or felt such choice dangled in front of me. Part man and part angel: was this a cruel joke of the lord or was this fantasy Lucifer created to get me to favor his side? Perhaps we will see. Perhaps I will avoid Michael in the human realm and through the vortex in combination where I might be able to hide and test god's love and patience. Perhaps it's time to end this madness or blossom its potential? Death becomes me and who I am is the end of the story line, regardless of orders. The story stops with me.
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