Story Stopper

Part VI: Death within Me

For a long time, I evaded heaven. The earthly planes are like a desert to the angels and they did not know how to find me but the force of God is to powerful to challenge.

Honestly, I had never meant to challenge god but being half angel and half human, I could see both sides.

Lucifer was right in the part that he said the Angels did not have the free will of man but having the free will, humans were not equals either. The one thing that they lacked, the reapers held in abundance. Reapers were not supposed to leave the confines of the vortex between the worlds but the new ones that I was making were in part imbued with the divinity of Lucifer and/or myself.

On the earth, so many were taken, they called it the end of days. I reaped only from the future world Lucifer had shown me because there were more souls there and going back would reduce the number of souls I had to reap.

It was amazing how many I could take in one fell swoop. It was astonishing at how, for all their magnificence and innovation, man really was as fragile as the biblical analogy of sheep.

The reaping was so easy... too easy... it was easy enough that through such ease of mass slaughter, I began to wonder if this creation of the lord was really worthy of the wonders of the universe?

I became lost. The silence of the heavens, due to my evasion, became like a great din in my heart and Lucifer's pain permeated me.

Before I knew it, my reign of terror had stopped and I had drained myself of so much angelic essence that I was practically human.

In this time, I found myself at the throne of the lord looking down at the floor.

"Dolphiel, you disappoint me," the voice said. "You have brought about a new chance for man kind, however, and for that I am greatful. You have also brought legions of demi-angels to heaven and sacrificed your own angelic essence to do this and for this, I cannot condemn you to hell. I can't let you continue with your job, however; your will is too strong and free. Therefore, I will bless you: look up! And gaze upon my face."

Story Stopper

Part XV: Death Forever

The wind beneath my feathers, I floated downwards to meet him. Dressed in shining armor and glowing white with the full force of an archangel, Lucifer stretched out his wings and the awesome power of his light shown upon my like a conflagration. What brilliance he had for the leader of all things evil. What beauty was he for a denier of God!

I knew what must be done but was lost in the beauty of this creature before me.

"You were cast out, banished, ostracized, Lucifer! But you never fell," I said.

He laughed and spoke, "you are observant of my beauty but you also know I can take many forms, ay?"

"I know you're a lost, petulant, little boy with daddy issues," I said.

"How dare you!" He snapped, " you may still be in his graces but I was once and still have the force of a higher choir of angel! You impudent little wretch! You dare to talk to me that way?"

"You are the lord of lies. You have lied so much, you have forgotten that you may be higher born than I but neither one of us trumps god."

"I lost a battle, Dolphiel, but gaze upon my brilliance! Look at the cruelty of your god! Think you: that if he felt you were not worth his graces, he wouldn't cast you out? Do you not see that an angel is but a servant to god but to me, we are masters of all that we see? We are a brotherhood that supercedes the failure that is humanity!"

"God created this universe for them!..."
"...And what did He make for us?" I was but a sheep in a small corral before he created the universe for man.

"No!" I said, "he created earth for man. Man is free to roam the universe on his own force of will but can he? Not in his wildest dreams. Man is limited by mortality..."
"...you speak of weakness!"

"Perhaps, but where man gets free will to own his planet, you have the high heavens to roam. Look at all that is the domain of god and his power and all you must do to be part of that is to accept him as the lord supreme and carry out what is his will.

What a magnificence it is to be an angel, Lucifer. Man gets to go to heaven but he changes and leaves some behind. He is enraptured by the magnificence of heaven but he is not free to roam it as the angels are.

For this, you do not even belong in hell. This is too good for you! You belong with Death forever!"

With the end of my sentence, I swung my scythe and slew Lucifer. I took his divine essence into me and kept it there to feed me. I went out and began to reap the souls of all that I could. I created "accidents" and "natural" disasters that were beyond god's plan and his will.

With Lucifer's essence and my human side, I was very hard for the angel's to find and the souls I reaped were dumped in the heavens and it was there they overflowed but most of them, became reapers like me...

Story Stopper

Part XIV: The death of innocence

"Dolphiel. Wake up, Dolphiel."

As I opened my eyes, I saw the plane of existence. By that I mean I saw the chaos that was the existence of all things before all things existed.

First, there was darkness; such blackness as cannot be comprehended by anything describable. God was not attached to anything in this world so falling from grace and the absence of Him in a fallen angel was the closest one might come to describing this blackness. One word that would come close would be absence; the absence of God, the absence of the angels, the nothingness and lack of sensation that breaches even death.

The feeling weighed on me as I watched this and as my nothingness began to burn, the voice that had awoken me made a sound like a child's pop gun. In that instance, there was, all of a sudden, a gathering of compact and minute lights. They were not arrayed like stars but rather focused into a small area like sheep in a pen.

I heard them speak. My step-brothers began to sing. They sang in joyful chorus, which brought light unto this rather compact area. They were only talking to each other but the light of god within them gave so much power to their voices, they could scarce do anything but sing; once the song had begun.

The reverberation was so sonorous that the whole of existence began to swell and as the voice which had awakened me began to yawn, the area of those tiny lights expanded exponentially.

All of a sudden the universe was astir with singing and lights flying in every direction. The stars were formed by the sweating of the angels and lights all over filled the great expanse of this new existence.

For a long time, there was peace and happiness and angels dwelled in the great expanse but they felt the universe and some even questioned god: "what is all this for?"

This was the right question because shortly after, the whole Genesis of man's existence was born. It took a long time to even get to man's existence but as they arrived, so did the magnificent gifts god gave to them.

Most of the angels were overjoyed to have such frail creatures to Sheppard but not everyone saw them as frail. Those who didn't, even saw them as an insult or as a threat to the kingdom of heaven so they rebelled.

I saw god's most beloved Angel stand by his side and as he received all the praise and love of god, he became so full of himself that he saw himself as beauty beyond man and eventually beyond god. His hubris was seen by his brethren and though a third called him king, all fell from grace who did.

A third of my step-brothers looked at Lucifer and loved him above god and my step-brother Michael took the multitude and war broke out to shake the heavens with god's wrath.

The voice that had awoken me started weeping like a wounded child. He wept as strongly as history would ever see him weep again for I had heard this voice before and knew him.

As I watched brother slay brother with weapons as fierce and savage as any that man could create, I watched the multitude crush this misguided and vicious rebellion with seraphic ferver. The anger of god and his betrayed heart reigned strong and gave Michael the advantage over his brother Lucifer. Though Lucifer was so filled with self-agrandizement, he cowered in fear in the face of his angered father and fell under the spear of Michael with little more than a whimper.

For all of Lucifer's rebellion, it was no more, in the end, than sound and fury signifying nothing. As he fell, I watched his face and I felt his heart and the voice that had awoken me disappeared.

Where that holy voice was, the voice of another who was as beautiful as anything holy turned to ugly resentment. His heart cried as his eyes wept and he knew what he had done. He was awakened as Adam and Eve to the sadness and reality of a harsh world. It was as if he had eaten the forbidden fruit himself and all of a sudden, he knew all things like no angel ever had or ever would. This realization made him painfully aware of the cruelty of his actions towards his god but it also made him see that there was no forgiveness for angels and because of this, he became even more aware at the imbalance of god's love towards man as opposed to god's demand on the angels.

He hated man for all these things and blamed man for him and his brothers fall. He blamed god for the situation and realized man's importance if he was ever to take back heaven for him and his fallen brethren. In this, he awaited the day that he could corrupt a Nephelim or even show his feelings and point of view to one who was part man and part angel.

As time went on, I saw myself and my transcendence. I saw Lucifer watch this and realized that I had felt him out of the corner of my eye as it happened. He had only awaited my doubt and now I was aware of why that voice which had shown me all this wanted me to know.

As the visions began to fade like a dream on the back of my eyelids, the last thing I heard was, "I love you, my child, for all that you are. In the coming end, I hope you make your choices with your eyes open. This is all any father can ask of his child. This is all He can ask for ALL of His children."

Letter to the departer

I crouched at the top of a building somewhere in New York City and looked down at them.  The wind rustled my feathers as I stared into the multitude and imagined their sorrow and anguish from living.  I am truly the devil they make me out to be, that much I cannot deny but reasoning matters I suppose.

Some call it arrogance.  Why would a child question his father and why does order seem preferable to chaos but have you ever lived in chaos?  Where is the order for those beyond the vale?  For that matter, where is the chaos?  The lack of one denotes heaven and the lack of the other would be perceived to be my domain but does anyone question my motive?  History is written by the winners or so they say.  The lack of both order and chaos is where we were but the freedom to choose is inherently human.  I was damned in heaven as well as hell because for all my power and importance I am still bound to being what I am.

The angels never really had a choice.  "Lucifer, my beloved brother," He said with a smile as he cast me out.

Many of the other angels had their wings cut off or were severely tortured before heaven cast them out but me?  I am bound to have forgotten its destination as I forgot my pledge to be His servant.

Spreading my wings, I can fly in this phased out dimension and watch reality unfold but can I find my way back to the whirlwind between the worlds? Never.  I am never to go back to my father and even have the chance to talk to him again.  The pain was immeasurable and that was punishment alone but the pit of hell is what I am chose to rule for my "misguidance" of humans.

"What is a man but a miserable pile of secrets."  Humans wrote this in a video game they dispense to their children.  It's the devil that made those humans write such awful words in their public forum but not everything evil that comes from humans is my fault.  This is the nature of chaos and order in tandem.  This is the nature of God.

Humans would condemn me for my arrogance and call me the prime evil but is it not evil to cast a soul into this world of choice and freedom?  If freedom is so important why was I cast from his light for asking for it?  Yes I can be the dragon as the Revelation of John suggests and yes I do seek to destroy man and heaven but it is for the bitterness and lack of heart that gives me my drive.

You see, Dolphiel, I do not get to have a heart.  I don't get to have free will.  Even as "evil incarnate," everything going on is his will.  Do you think that God would allow an angel to function free just because he's fallen from his grace?  I still have my wings; here I fly above the people, watching their pathetic run about and just hoping that they will deny their lord and come with me to populate my heart which has become hell.

As I settle on this building across town, I write you this letter in hopes that you'll get it and understand what it is to be fallen.  I hope you will get it and understand what it is to be Lucifer, the devil, Satan.

Perhaps if you know, then you will understand what it means to do what I do.  You will understand that the human part of you will be with me always.

Story Stopper

Part XIII: Death becomes him

"What do you want with me Lucifer?  I'm ashamed enough of my betrayal as it is and yet you mock me still?"

"On the contrary," said the well dressed angel, "I seek to rebuild you."

I looked down at the floor and said nothing.  Deep within what was left of my human soul, the absence of god was like no pain anyone on earth should ever feel.  Even the most brazenly heathen people on earth are still loved by the lord.  That warm confidence is felt even if it's not recognized.  The atheists would call it confidence, panache,  je ne sais quoi, vivre! But when you've spoken to god, felt his presence while in his presence, you come to understand what it is that invigorates man to be such an amazing creature.  We have the love of a father who created us to be as he is: powerful in our independence.

On the opposite end, angels were not created to preform any independent function.  Their soul purpose is to serve god and carry out his command.  It was for this reason, we are told in heaven, that Lucifer was cast out from god's light.  It is also for this reason that god granted me the status of an angel because whereas my human side served to usher a soul into heaven, my angelic side was meant to force a devotion to the function I was meant to preform.

"How can you rebuild what is not there anymore?" I said.

Lucifer remained quiet and put his hand on his elbow and the other on his chin, as he began to look me over like a tailor getting ready to fit me for a nice suit.

"You're not lost, Dolphiel.  You are very much still here and have incredible power that you don't even realize you have.  Now granted, your choir was lower than mine was but look at me! I am god's equal only I exist on the negative scale..."

"...You are no equal to god!" I snapped at him.

He looked at me with pity.  God how low I've sunk that the devil pities me.  However, he envies most humans and disguises it as pity so I could be victim to the crafted fantasy of the lord of lies.

"You are no victim, my friend," said Lucifer, "on the contrary, I said I was here to rebuild you and that is what I'll do.  To call it a selfless act makes me seem too..."  He paused and turned his nose up as if sniffing the air for the right answer, "Christian.  However, whether you like it or not, you're in my boat now and we are both no longer in the light of god."

I looked out the window of the cruiser and watched the city below.  He watched from behind me as I marveled at the creation of man.

"Amazing, isn't it?  It gets more like heaven every day..."

"...Without the glory of God and miracles," I moaned.

"Dolphiel, human beings have the potential for great things.  You control their mortality.  You still know who's going to die, where and when.  As you look out that window, think about this: all that was built by people who lived in a temporary existence and had limited time to come up with long term solutions.  Building up was a logical conclusion to the growing problem of population but the way that they did it.  This skyway that we are traveling on: what would the right man have come up with if you didn't take his life in some of his finest years?"

I thought hard on it for a minute and he did, indeed, have a point.  The philosophy in heaven was that god and only god decides when it's time to take a person.  Samael does it in droves but he is still bound by god's decree.  Everything that happens in this existence is by his command.  When I was first an angel and was being trained by Samael, he explained to me that what he did, he took pleasure in but that pleasure stemmed not only from the sickness of his mind but more so because he carried out god's command with an artistic excellence.  He told me that the devil's greatest desire was to take the earth from man because from the earth it was a simple one step to heaven.

As we approached a sidewalk where Lucifer could let me wander this empty city of millions upon millions, Lucifer looked toward me and said, "Would heaven give you a better deal?" With that, the door opened and I was pushed out in front of the cafe de 2 moulin in Paris, France.  The year was back to being present day and as I got up off the ground, I walked over to a chair and sat down in it.

I noticed that I was out of phase with the natural world and there in front of me, but a distance away was the killer of children at a local school.  My mouth watered as I strongly desired to pull him into this phase of existence but I hesitated and watched as he turned to me, looking straight in my eyes as no other person in the city could, and winked.

As I watched him walk away, I felt my wings behind me still in tact and thought hard on the decisions I had to make as either a god, a mercenary, a toady, a soldier, a mid-level-manager or simply me, Dolphiel: the great escapist.

I had felt the absence of god, it was all so real but the devil wouldn't tempt lest he knew he could be convincing.  There were elements of truth to the things he said.  There were elements of things he knew were my greatest desires.  In an eternity, I had not seen or felt such choice dangled in front of me.  Part man and part angel: was this a cruel joke of the lord or was this fantasy Lucifer created to get me to favor his side?  Perhaps we will see.  Perhaps I will avoid Michael in the human realm and through the vortex in combination where I might be able to hide and test god's love and patience.  Perhaps it's time to end this madness or blossom its potential? Death becomes me and who I am is the end of the story line, regardless of orders.  The story stops with me.

Story Stopper

Part XII: Outside the soulless

"Child of the lord! You question god in your heart and the nature of your position gives you great strength.  It is here that you must witness the power of the lord that shown to you may make you a believer and save your angelic soul as well as what remnants of your human soul are left.  Perhaps darkness will deliver you unto the light."

With that, the angel Michael swept down upon my wings and the feathers on them burnt so I could no longer ascend to the heavens.  Without wings, I could not even exist in heaven.  I grabbed my scythe as I fell and saw Deviel ascend and she cried out as she watched me and reached out for me as my fingertips brushed hers until there was nothing but the vortex.  In there, I was tossed and spun and disoriented until I fell to the earth in front of a statuesque man in a long overcoat.  He was well dressed and looked well bred.  He stood in front of me and looked down at a golden pocket watch as if expecting me.

Looking around and trying to determine where and when I'd landed, I noticed that the nice clothes I'd been wearing were now in shambles and I seemed to be in England some time around the mid to late 1800's.  The man in front of me spoke, "Hello, Mr. Dolph.  We've been expecting you.  Please, if you will."  He motioned to a carriage near by and headed towards the double doors.

As he handed me new clothes, I stepped in and began to change. Getting in, what I saw was an ordinary carriage but as I bulled the shirt over my head and the door shut, it was much roomier than the outside made it seem.  There was a grand, white room and a long satin couch in the middle of it.  Outside the windows, all one could see was fire and the walls of a great pit.

"For all intents and purposes, you are in a carriage in London traveling White Chapel where I will dispose of another whore a little later tonight, but a deeper game is afoot as you may well know by now."

Coming out of nowhere, a broad chested and beautiful man with flowing golden hair came across the room toward the couch.  He had to have been at least equal height with Michael and yet as it was obvious to me that he was an angel, as he got closer, he shrank and developed into a fine looking, proper English gentleman.  He was around six feet even with longer, dirty blonde hair; his eyes were green and his nose very properly sat on his face indistinguishable from any other one might see in any time period in English history.

"Lucifer!" I said.

Sitting down on the satin couch in the middle of the room, he responded, "In the flesh, my dear boy."

We sat for a while, looking at each other with differing glances.  I looked at him as if waiting to hear a speech but he looked at me as if he did not care what was said by whom, if anything was said at all.  It was as if he were studying me.

"You're a fascinating creature, Dolphiel.  Do you know that angels consider you to be neither man nor angel?  You 'fit in' nowhere.  Why, with such nomadic proclivity, and such astronomical raw power, one such as you could be a creator of an entirely new existence..."

"...or its destroyer..."

"Ironic, my friend, that I am the one with the glass half full attitude and you with the tragic ennui on your breath."

He laughed aloud, which scared me at first but once I realized where our conversation had gone, I tried asking some questions of my own.

"What do you mean, 'power'?  You should know by now that I am no longer the angel of death."

"Oh really?  I hadn't noticed," he laughed.  "You were never the angel of death, Dolphiel.  You were the Grim Reaper.  A position that has its own set of rules.  Your angelic status has been revoked so you are no longer the Grim Reaper but make no mistake of it, you are still, in every way, granted the ability to reap souls and once you regain your strength, you will be able to walk through the walls of fire outside this room and travel to any point in time you wish to go.  The only difference is you're in my domain now.  You've fallen."

"...but what power is it to reap souls?" I asked him

"It is a great power, my friend," he replied.  "We have the power to offset the balance of god's creation.  You have the power of an imagination that's imbued with the image of god himself.  Being part human, makes you part god! Or did you not understand what He meant when he said, 'made in his image'?"

At this, I grew visibly uncomfortable and began to question, in my mind, just how far from God's decree I was prepared to go.  Lucifer, sensing my discomfort, asked if I preferred a more complacent setting than hell and with a snap of his fingers, we were traveling in an aircraft of some sort, over a city I did not recognize."

"Where are we?" I asked.

"We are in London, I've just changed the year to 2,338."

"You can traverse time?"

"I'm the devil, son, I exist in every instance of time just as god does.  It is how I am his equal and yet, his opposite.  He represents the rules and devotion to him.  I represent the devotion to nothing and to no one."

"How can one be devoted to no one?" I said.

"I'm glad you asked," said Lucifer.  "We have much to talk about."

Story Stopper

Part XI: Inside the soulless

Reading through the papers in some cafe in Paris, out of phase with the human realm with my wings extended, I learned of the latest school shooting.  I sometimes like to sit in the the human realm like this because my wings are often stressed in the vortex between the worlds and Paris in mid-march is windy but delightful to stretch one's wings.  Oh the great irony that humans could not see me and yet here I sat as one of them would, just slightly out of phase and with outstretched wings.  Only babies and people who may have caught a "glimpse" from the corner of their eyes would notice a dark angel reading the news at the Cafe des 2 Moulin on the Rue Lepic.  The irony that I was in Paris, reading about school shootings was also not lost on me but given the nature of my job, and in the words of the angel Gabriel, death is "poetic."

Humans are such violent perpetrators of death but this one on the front page of some American nothing magazine was an artist.  He was a fool granted that his dental records, which would have been so perfect had he not made them out of stone, were found to be false and a manhunt would have been started for him had he not vanished into thin air.  Only I knew where he was and as I watched him at the coffee table adjacent to mine, I admired his poise to have killed an entire school of high school children without batting an eye or displaying any remorse in this cafe here, not more than 2 weeks after it all happened.  His convictions were worn on his sleeve but I could also read his mind being the supernatural creature that I was and it was completely swirling; not unlike the vortex between the worlds.

Speaking through a hole in the vortex, not to mention obviously using some of the last remnants of her temporary grim status, Deviel called through the vortex saying, "I know what you're doing and you should stop before you get yourself in trouble.  Taking advice or 'words of wisdom' from humans especially one with a mind as dark as this one is ill-advised."

"Be silent!" I yelled, shutting the tear and pulling the human to my phase of existence.

He sat there staring at my wings at first and then at me.

"Are you not afraid mortal?" I said.

"Why would I be?  I don't even know who you are," he replied.

"I'm the angel of death," I told him.

"That's hardly true.  You are in no way Samael."

"How do you know Samael?" I said in shock.

He paused and reclined in his chair and smiling, he said, "Now you don't seem to know who I am."

I thought for a moment about my journey and paused as a sudden realization crawled up and down my spine like a million spiders made of ice.

Looking directly into my eyes, he grimaced slyly with a sick spiteful, stentorian stare and slowly said, "he can be taught."

For the first time in millennia, I was truly frightened.  It was as if fear became embodied in this rather plain looking man before me.  

"It's nice to finally meet you, Dolphiel.  I am nothing to fear, though.  I serve my purpose as you do."

For a moment I was shocked and could not speak but when words found me, I replied, "then why are you fallen and I am loved?"

"Are any of us truly loved by our maker?" He asked.

I had no response as he moved closer to me and sat down at the table next to me.

"I have been sitting inside this body whispering and suggesting he commit unspeakable and unthinkable acts in the name of god and yet god is not here because he does not meddle in the affairs of humans except to give them strength and love to fight me.  ME! Who was his most beloved until these pitiful flesh bags came into existence on this horrible, painful, ephemeral, realm that he's forced on them. The war for heaven is oft talked about in this place and yet none of them knows that the war is over.  God won when he cast me out.  He proved that by the power of the heavenly host, he can expel anything from heaven.  The irony is that this not only includes angels but man as well.  My fiery realm would not exist if god had no wrath.  The Christians call him awesome! and the jews call him loving but is he?  If the fact remains that in Judaism, it's spoken that sinners are punished and in Christianity, it's said that those who do not cleave unto the blood of 'the lamb' and get saved are condemned to hell, then I ask you, is god really all loving?"

My breath was taken away by the hate that poured out of this vessel like the vortex between the worlds, without the stability of a reaper or the wings of an angel.  It was like a punch to the gut and it took me a while to regain my composure and a while longer to even remember that I still served god but the words came to me from the human side of my being which was odd because I hadn't known it for 3,000 years, give or take.

"God's love is based on choice.  We are given the choice to love and obey or we are given the choice to fall as you have, Satan."

He laughed hysterically in a maniacal way that gave rise to my entire body being frozen in place.

"I'm sorry but it's so funny to hear my name bastardized like that.  I prefer Lucifer and I am an angel, child; Perhaps cast out but I am still an angel."

He stared at me for a minute and would not let me speak.  It was if he had stolen all sound from my body or clenched his fist around my voice box only.  After a minute of pondering me like a chess player from across the small table, he said, "Do you really have a choice?  I mean if you do, congratulations but have you ever tried being bad?  If you truly have a choice then you can break gods commandments and rules and you will be fine because it's your choice and he loves you unconditionally but if you don't then he will cast you out as I have been because there is definitely a wrong choice in the divine equation."

I reviewed my own words and thought hard on them.  What choice do I have?  To what extent does god love me that he will tolerate the tomfoolery that I am capable of before he casts me out?  Looking to the skies, I fell on my knees and prayed as a human would: from a distance but god did not answer.  Instead, I watched Satan walk through my pull of this phase of existence and back into the human realm.

A moment later, my prayer was answered.  The world seemed to melt and my wings were gripped as if my humongous hands and pulled hard toward the heavens.  There on the heavenly planes, stood a man of great stature.  My best guess would be that he stood at least 9 feet tall.  His hair flowed golden and his wings seemed to stretch out like skyscrapers on their sides.  In his hands, he grasped a weapon that was pointed towards my face and the sword was aflame!