Pain Case

Part XI

What have I gotten myself into.  This crazy Russian psychopath import has taken me into a new level of terrified.  I have dead hooker blood all over me and I have a sick feeling in my gut that I just killed an innocent human being.  It's not like I don't feel better than them because I am.  I can't die, I can't be wounded, I can't be feel the remorse the same way I did when I was human; the implant has changed me, that enough I know but this?  This was just nuts.

I can understand that his intentions were good but god if I'm not glad that his dumb ass is asleep on the floor in a puddle of blood right now.  He's like a little kid burning bugs under a magnifying glass.  These human beings are beneath us and we were created as their weapons but that doesn't meant that we need to forget the bottom line of who we are.

I think of her, who was not 30 minutes ago a beautiful, naked and perfect creature and he sits alone with thoughts of vengeance, torture and so much anger.  I dig into his head which is easier with the neural link we have, plus the fact that he's sleeping and see such horrible things.  I don't think he knows that if one of us is awake, he can see the sleeping one's dreams.  Hell, I didn't know it until a few nights ago.  Sergei had nightmares unlike anyone I had known.  In my head, all I could think in words was, "you poor, broken bastard..."  The guy had seem some seriously twisted stuff.

There were pimps, raping their whores and then sending them out bloodied to get raped by a john.  There were people, half dead from starvation dying in front of him.  I saw dead bodies being heaped up on trucks and people walking by as if no one had the time to care for those who'd passed.  The world moved so fast in his head and my heart sank time and time again from these retching images.  I threw up a couple of times but by the end of it, I could almost see him like a dog that's been beaten and frightened into a corner.

Over all?  This made me stronger.  The things that I had been learning about him in his slumber were far more dehumanizing than this failed experiment tonight could have ever been but I had no idea what was happening until it was too late.  He was born brilliant and I was not.  He was right about the nature of my country that it never thinks before it acts or questions what the fallout of the decisions happening around us might be.  Oh sure! There were those rich, spoiled assholes who followed all this hooey but how about the guy from the Midwest who goes to Alaska for BT because he wants to leave his state for the first time ever?  There's millions of us who don't have the time to care about the world around us and I suppose some might see us as naive and stupid but we are trusting, hardworking Americans who believe that loving your fellow man and a decent living is important.

I don't blame my friend for his violent and twisted nature; I blame the fact that he grew up without a single loving and/or nurturing influence in his life.  It's like all he's ever known is pain.  I chuckle just to think of it but I can't really call him a head case because his head hasn't been his own for, it seems like quite some time.  He's a pain case because that's all he knows and understands.  He knows how to hurt and be hurt and expects nothing else of the world and I imagine my pushing empathy onto him scared the living daylights out of the boy.

I've heard his thoughts and I know how he thinks of me though.  It's funny because even though we both think of each other as children, we're both more cognoscente than the other knows.  I think I probably surpassed his abilities about a week ago.  We were training and I deviated from his lessons and started to simply think like me.  Individuality gave me power over my device and that gave me such strength.  I think control gives him power over his but he doesn't realize it yet; or maybe he does.  I don't know, as I said, I get glimmers into his head when he's distracted and perhaps he get glimmers into mine more often than I care to postulate.

In any case, I will wait out the night for him to wake up but at first light, I'm gone.  I know where this Yakuza is and I'm going after him.  The plan is that we'll kidnap him for the answers that we want to know.  I will have no problem torturing him because our kind doesn't deserve to exist.  This much power is too much for a man and both of us, at least in our hearts, will always be men.